Ugh. The anticipation is killing me. It's also killing my beautiful wife. Just a few days ago after eating some frozen pizza and watching an episode of The Soup, Melissa looked down at her swollen tummy and said "Get out!" I joked and said that our daughter (who will probably be named Violet) is a deadbeat tenant and owes 9 months of back rent to us. If Violet is still an occupant in my wife's womb after the due date of April 1st, we may have to send Violet an eviction notice. She can work off her debt by cleaning the house as soon as she can walk.
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I normally stay occupied and focused at work, but it seems that any moment not spent in the classroom and on instruction and evaluation is dedicated to thoughts of what Violet is going to be like. What kinds of conversations I'll have with her. Will she be willful and chaotic, or will she be calm and mild mannered as she grows and develops?
I also have not been sleeping well at all due to anxiety. My appetite has decreased, yet my cravings for ice cream and junk food are on the rise. My gym bag has made a permanent crease in the back seat of my car due to its stationary position the past 4 weeks. I was gung-ho about hitting the gym and getting in shape at the start of the pregnancy and was going strong for 3 weeks, but when my wife really started showing... it all came crashing down.
I've been coming to work tired and exhausted but I haven't really done anything to justify the fatigue. Some of my colleagues joked about me being tired now, and to just wait until Violet is born. Then I'm going to know what tired really is. Sleep deprivation is going to have an impact on both my wife and I. Here's to hoping that we can cope with the crabbiness and focus on what's most important when Violet enters the world.
When I think of my daughter I'm met with myriad emotions. The strongest of which makes me want to cry. It's not a doomed or saddened cry, but it's a cry that comes from the feeling that my heart is going to explode. It's a feeling that makes my chest warm on the inside and gets my hands tingly. Maybe I should take a cardiac stress test? But seriously, when I think of putting Violet to bed every night and reading her stories, making her laugh by acting like a goof, hearing her first words, the feeling is absolutely overwhelming. It's almost too strong for me to take. It's an extremely positive feeling... one that I don't think I've ever felt before.
As of today my wife is 2-3 cm dialated and still 70% effaced. Violet is hovering at -1 station and is almost in the "locked and loaded" position. From here on out, it's a waiting game.
This space is going to be a means for me to update all of those who want to know how the process is coming. While not the most pretty of scrapbooks, I'm planning on posting images of our newborn son and beautiful daughter as well as log milestones in their development. People are encouraged to drop us a line and be part of this life-altering experience my wife and I are about to embark on.
Melissa and I
Parents.
4 comments:
Sean you are SOOOO ready to be a dad. I hope it's okay that Melissa passed on the blog, what a great idea! Matthew would love to chat (he LOVES to talk about the "process") about what the whole thing is like...before, during and after delivery. It's truly intense and something he doesn't often get to share with people. He was truly amazing and I couldn't have managed without him. Feel free to call him or he'll probably give you a buzz...although much more likely an e-mail.
-JEF
Sean, I think this is a pretty amazing look into the psyche of an experience that I think us non soon to be dads might take comfort in. I myself have a hard enough time changing my oil every three thousand miles so I can only imagine the feeling of stress and anticipation. I also happen to agree with your friend in that your sense of humor and character will make you the kind of parent that sadly enough most kids don't have.
p.s. pat and I want to know what you are going to wear?
Sean, dear brother of mine. I must say you are quite the writer. I got a lump in my throat and tears welled up in my eyes as I read about your anticipation. I know too well the feeling you so beautifully described as an overwhelming feeling in your chest- like your heart will burst. I feel that way even still as I look at my daughter (Maddie) in complete awe! Sean, this is truly the best gift you will ever receive in life. Melissa will be feeling what your feeling inside magnifyed by 100times (due to hormones or lack thereof). I am soo excited and anxious to see your beautiful daughter. She is going to rock your world, Sean... I can't wait!
I love the blog idea, I wish I could do one for our family too. Teach me in your spare time (ha).
Love, Erin
Sean, you are such a fast learner. It will take very little time until Violet becomes and feels a part of the Conroy family. While you may feel very lucky to have the babe, it is Violet who is very lucky to have you and Melissa for parents. You have trust me with your prize students; will you trust me to babysit Violet?
Sharon
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